Awhile back The Costa Rica Post brought our readers a story about a Gringo who had modified the traditional Tico Tamales in an apparent attempt make them more agreeable to the American palate. Since the story, which was originally meant as a one-off, went on to generate more angry emojiis than any other CR Post to date, our crack team of journalists decided to dig around on the internet to see if tormenting tamales was an actual Yankee pastime. Turns out it is.
If you ever wondered what tamales would look like if William Walker had won the war, then wonder no more. The CR Post has compiled yet another colon clogging list of instances where Gringos tried to make Tico tamales edible and failed miserably.
4. Chicken Fried Tamales
According to the creator of this recipe, chicken fried tamales are a favorite among his Tico neighbors and are best served with mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables.
3. Chicago Style Tamale Dog
The creator of this monstrosity, who originally came here to avoid prosecution, says his love for Costa Rican football began when he started doing doing krokodil with his taxi driver.
2. Chili-Cheese Tamale
Described as a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind. Best served with kettle chips.
1. Double Battered Buffalo Tamales
This Double battered deep fried traditional buffalo tamale, has been dipped in dangerous amounts of deadly gluten, fried in lard, submerged in Frank’s Hot Sauce and served on a slimy banana leaf that was handpicked by Juan Valdez himself. Best topped with a dollop of Hidden Valley Ranch and served with carrot sticks and Pepto-bismol. If you treat yourself to one of these hot tamales today you will definitely be wishing yourself an Ano Nuevo in the morning.
If you missed the first part of this story click this link: Gringo Tries To Make Tico Tamales Edible, Fails Miserably PART 1