Bus riders in Santa Ana are able to eat their fried chicken with the windows shut in peace again after authorities announced that the huge pool of blood they had to step over yesterday morning in Rio Oro didn’t belong to some unfortunate robbery victim after all. As it turns out the viscous liquid belonged to the recently liquidated career criminal, and alleged baby killer, Joshua Caled Mora Artavia.

Shown here with a face

The “victim”, who unsuccessfully tried to stop a total of eighteen 9mm rounds with his face, was quite the challenge for authorities to identify due to the aforementioned eighteen 9mm rounds deciding to set up shop where his face used to be. Due to said lack of available face, local police officials were forced to circulate a picture of his nipples instead.

Turns out he was also a huge Motley Crue Fan

After the body was identified by the victim’s mother authorities began to speculate that the murder was an act of revenge based upon the deceased victim’s involvement with the drug trade and the sheer number of bullets used.

Although there is no evidence to suggest that JP Sears was anywhere near the area at the time the crime occurred, The Costa Rica Post has yet to rule out the green-eyed ginger gringo guru as a possible suspect.  

retraction: JP Sears actually has blue eyes

If you or anyone you know has any information about the cases you’ve seen on tonight’s program please call 800-800-0645. Perhaps you may be able to help solve a mystery.

If you didn’t read that in a Robert Stack voice please unfollow our page immediately