Welcome to Costa Rica, happiest country on earth and home to nearly 4% of the total animal species on the planet. While encompassing just one third of a percent of Earth’s landmass, Costa Rica is considered to possess the highest density of biodiversity of any country worldwide and despite what your travel agent might tell you, it aint all sloths and howler monkeys. For that reason The Costa Rica Post has compiled a checklist of creatures to check under your bed for before you go to sleep tonight.

Here is The Top 5 Costa Rican Creatures (That Will Give You Nightmares):

#5 The Hercules beetle

The Hercules beetle is a species of rhinoceros beetle native to the rainforests of Central America and South America as well as your worst nightmares.

Part of the family of beetles commonly known as scarabs, male Hercules beetles may reach up to 17.5 cm in length making it the longest beetle in the world and presumably the only beetle in the world that can kill you with just a look.

Once hatched, the larval stage of the Hercules beetle may last up to two years, with the larva growing up to 11 cm in length and weighing more than 100 grams. During its larval stage, the Hercules beetle feeds on rotting wood, while the adult beetle feeds on fresh fruit and fear.

The Hercules Beetle gets its name from its ability to carry up to 100 times its body mass and also because its fucking huge.

#4 Tailless Whip Scorpion

Tailless whip scorpions, or “Amblypygi” as nerds call them, is an ancient order of arachnid chelicerate arthropods found in tropical and subtropical regions worldwide. With a 8 eyes, raptorial pedipalps and a legspan that ranges from 5 to 70 centimeters, tailless whip scorpions are the stuff that nightmares are made of.

Although Amblypygi are mainly found in warm and humid environments and like to stay protected and hidden within leaf litter, caves, or underneath bark, they are also known find refuge in and around tropical and subtropical toilets.

No se mueve care’picha

Although virtually harmless to humans, if improperly handled, whip spiders may produce thorn-like puncture injuries with their spiny pedipalps.

We all float down here Georgie

#3 The Golden Silk Orb-Weaver

Coming in at number three on our list is the Golden Silk Orb-Weaver. Also known as Banana Spiders, or Nephila clavipes in Latin, Golden Silk Orb-Weavers are well known for the impressive golden-hued webs they weave and how fucking scary they look. 

Targeting many different organisms as prey, The Golden Orb Weaver mostly feeds on flies and beetles as well as larger cicadas and other flying insects. As a result of their strong web structure small birds, bats and human souls also may become trapped and fed upon.

Famous for their ability to illicit shrill screams of terror from even the toughest of Ticos unfortunate enough to come in contact with one’s web, the golden orb-weaver are mostly found in lowland forests on both the Atlantic and Pacific coasts of Costa Rica. 

#2 The Dobson Fly

The Dobson fly, or “Satan’s Dragonfly” as Tico Doug once called it, is one scary looking hijueputa.

OH HELL NO!

Easily recognized by their long curving mandibles that may reach up to 40 mm in length, the dobsonfly should not be destroyed by fire, despite what your gut instincts may tell you. Part of the Megalopteran family Corydalidae order of insects, the dobsonfly, despite being rather harmless, has the kind of face that only a mother could love.

Baby! Ruth!

While the adults are not known to eat anything due to their short lifespans, their predaceous larvae, often referred to as “Hellgrammites”, feed on insects and other aquatic invertebrates, and just like their adult counterparts, appear to have clawed their way from the depths of hell to get here. Much like hippies, Dobsonfly larvae are known to live along the rocky bottoms of streams in areas such as Montezuma and Puerto Viejo.

Hey mom, please send more money.

#1 Central American giant cave cockroach

Often referred to as the “peppered cockroach” due to it’s brown and black markings, the Central American Cave Cockroach belongs to the family Blaberidae, and is guaranteed to keep you awake at night.

With females of the species reaching up to 10 cm in length, the Blaberus giganteusis is considered to be one of the largest cockroaches in the world, and is just as disgusting looking as it’s Latin name would suggest.

How you doin?

Known to increase their carbohydrate consumption to maximize their reproductive fitness and attractiveness to potential female mates for banging, this nightmare fuel mostly feeds on decaying plant matter but is also known to chow down on bat guano and decaying animal carcasses before doing the dirty.

Closely related to the first winged insects that lived in the Carboniferous coal forests about 200 million years ago,  a Blaberus giganteus may take up to five human stomps to kill; which is how it made it’s way to the top of our list of The Top 5 Costa Rican Creatures (That Will Give You Nightmares).

Sweet dreams.

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