In the swirling cesspool of sewage that is the internet, the news is sort of like those troublesome turds that just wont go down, no matter how many times you flush. Since no reasonable person can be expected to keep up with all the crap that comes flooding through one’s Facebook feed, we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous headlines from the last week or two just in case you missed them the first time.

New stories will be added daily so remember to check back later, or don’t, we couldn’t possibly care less.

Fuerza Publica Rescue Scarlet Macaw

According to a self-congratulatory post on Facebook, a quick response by Fuerza Publica officials led to the rescue of a caged Scarlet Macaw from a home located in Chorotega de Alajuelita yesterday, after most likely spending years in captivity there. Full Article HERE

Pedophile Police Chief Kills Teen Victim

An inappropriate relationship between a creepy transit police chief and his teenage lover ended in a murder-suicide in San Carlos this past Sunday. The public servant, identified as Pedro Arce Araya, ended his own life with a single bullet after putting three into the head of his teenage lover. The complete article, which was recently shared by former Costa Rica Minister of Health Maria Luis Avila, can be found HERE.

Nature Boy Cult Denied Flight Due to Stank

In a video recently uploaded to Facebook, famed cult leader, Eligio “Nature Boy” Bishop, claims his group of mostly black cultist were racially discriminated against by Spirit Airlines after being refused deportation under the false pretense of stank. The stinky cult was finally able to fly out the following day aboard American Airlines flight #1238 to Miami. 

Six Cyclist Nearly Kill Car in Guanacaste

A vehicle in Guanacaste is lucky to be alive after a harrowing accident that cost the young Prado its windshield, nearly took it’s life. In the dash cam footage we have posted below, the car can be seen traveling at a reasonable speed on a section of the Pan-American Highway between Puente La Amistad and Cruce de Limonal, before being hit head-on by six-pack of speeding cyclist who were riding on the wrong side of the road. The full article can be found HERE.

A Tico Truck Driver is Done Paying Tolls

In a video recently posted by to social media, a Ticked off Tico Truck Driver explains how much he hates paying tolls, right before purposely crashing through a toll-gate on a bustling Costa Rican highway.

According to the post, the truckers are pissed off because they have to pay up to 16,000 colones one way while traveling through only four toll booths making for a 32,000 for a round trip between San Jose and Caldera.

Tico Liberals Push For Racist Statue Removal

What can one say about León Cortés, besides he was an amazing president? Oh yeah, he also totally loved Nazis. Which is why once elected, he put the future president of Costa Rica’s Nazi Party, Max Effinger in charge of immigration.

Which might explain why his statue appears to be half way through a Nazi salute.

During his administration, Leon Cortés Castro took measures to restrict the entry of Poles and Jews, which culminated in the closure of frontiers to those fleeing the European holocaust. It also allowed the Nazis to enter the country without fulfilling the most important requirements. That is, at least, according to statement promoted on by a Tico named Antonio Trejos Mazariegos.

Although its still hard to tell if the movement will gain any traction, it will be curious to see how the situation plays out after the recent division displayed by our North American neighbors over similar causes.

Popeye’s Chicken Causes Chaos in the Capitol

A promotion by Popeye’s Costa Rica offering 8 pieces of chicken for 3300 Colones sent Ticos in select locations across our nation’s capital into a frenzy yesterday.

The promotion, which roughly breaks down to 75 North American Cents from the United States per piece of crispy goodness, must be a good deal compared to the regular price if yesterday’s turnout is any indication.

Customers Served Over Dead Drug Dealer’s Corpse

A man is dead today, after being shot eight times while he ate what was presumably a rice and bean based dish in the well known “triángulo” area of the “bulevar de Rohrmoser” in Pavas. Apparently that didn’t stop customers from getting the food they ordered, at least according to this article by Diaro Extra.

“Meanwhile the body of Venegas was covered, the employee of the Soda where the victim was having lunch continued passing out Casados”

According to witnesses, “the victim”, Antony Venegas Arias, an alleged drug distributor well known by neighbors, was gunned downed by two men aboard motorcycles, dressed in black and armed with 9mm handguns. Also injured in the attack was the 66 year old restaurant over, a charming Cuban gentleman with the last name Quintero.

“Nature Boy” Cult Leader Eligio Bishop Arrested

The only thing crazy about the Nature Boy story is how long it took for him to get arrested. In case you haven’t been following his story, Nature Boy has been running an illegal cult full of batshit crazy Gringos, most of which were suckered into coming to Costa Rica and giving him all of their money, inspired by ridiculous videos they saw on the dude’s YouTube channel like this one:

Known to his followers as Nature Boy, Bishop made news last March when a 21-year-old crazy looking Canadian woman by the name of Kayla Reid quietly left her home in Newfoundland to join him, and then later reported missing by her probably less crazy parents. Kayla ended up later leaving the group after her presence began to generate what she called “negative media attention”.

The group was detained near Puerto Limón, the sixth-largest city in Costa Rica, after being stopped at a police checkpoint. A former member of the cult wasn’t surprised they were pulled over, since according to him “Everything on the car was expired — all the paperwork, the licence plate. So [police] impounded the vehicle,” Raposo said. “Along with that, I think six people had expired passports. They overstayed in the country for a long time.”

Eleven of the crazy cultist are currently being processed for deportation. The real “Nature Boy”, Ric Flair, was not immediately available for comment.