Bocas Del Toro – A present day island paradise that was first raped and pillaged by Spaniards in the XVII Century, then again by United Fruit a couple hundred years later, is a popular travel destination among smelly backpackers and people who block traffic to take pictures for their blog, and sometimes rapists.

Guess which one is which

Not only is “Bocas” rich in rape history, its also chock-full of cocaine, at least according to New York Times bestselling author, and blogger Matthew Knepnes, who claims the stuff is available on every corner in this illusion crushing article he wrote for And according to Matt, their cocaine is as good as their weather.

The kind of weather you just want to snort off a hooker’s ass

The author also went on to say that the beaches in Bocas Del Toro were a lot like Monet paintings “beautiful from afar and a mess close up”. According to Knepnes, not only were most of the beaches small, they were mostly lined with seaweed and broken tree branches. And besides the cocaine, the only thing to do in to do in the town of Bocas, is get relieved of your belongings. Probably by some coke head.

That means to get robbed for our readers still struggling with English

If sunburns, cocaine and potentially live-streaming your own rape/murder death on Instagram is your thing, has broken down how easy it isn’t to get Bocas on their Logistics Page. The page also provides a pretty handy guide to getting to and around Panama as a whole, while conveniently leaving off which corners have the best blow.

But as always, TheCRPost has you covered.