As the New Year creeps around the corner like a broke Chata in Chepe trying to steal enough cellphones to pay for his Bad Bunny habit, The Costa Rica Post has began to prepare for the inevitable drop in readership that comes along with people’s stupid New Year’s resolutions.

In an attempt to dissuade a few of our readers who may still be on the fence about leaving us for The Tico Times in 2019, we tasked one of our interns with compiling a list of the sexiest articles we wrote this year to remind you what you will be missing out on if you go.

Here’s your list (the links are in the titles):

20. Dumb Tourist Drops Smart Phonenext to hungry crocodiles (Tarcoles)

According to one source, thanks to his slippery grip, the Gringo in this article wont be updating his Instagram account for awhile.

19. The Filipino Organ Harvesting Scare of 2018

According to one expert on underground organ harvesting gangs we found, the gang in Costa Rica is made up of 50 or more Filipinos that are spread out across the country, presumably providing them with a wider variety of non-Filipino child organs to choose from.

18. Gringo Allegedly Dies From Hooker Overdose at the Hotel Del Rey

Four employees of the Hotel del Rey were arrested after refusing to give police the location of a recently deceased North American, who allegedly bit off more than he could chew.

17. Video Reveals Exact Moment Bad Guy Realizes He’s Screwed

November 20th appeared to be just a normal Tuesday at work for 33 year-old Andy Quesada, as he marched into a little liquor store in Moravia with his gun drawn, intent on making some easy money after what we can only assume was a productive day of listening to shitty music and making loud noises with his motorcycle.

16. Homophobic Internet Activist Rapes 2 Year Old; Kills Himself

An accused child rapist and homophobic internet activist is finally dead, having allegedly done himself in with the sweater he was arrested in.

15. Gringo Found Bound, Gagged and Stabbed in Grecia

According to neighbors, William M. Nearhoff will always be remembered as the friendly Gringo who would welcome anyone into his home, that got murdered.

14. Envisionfest Death Total Bummer For Festival Goers

Although some of the details surrounding the man’s death remain unclear, most likely due to the witnesses being rrrrreal fucking high on drugs, a call was made around 7 am reporting a body on the shore of the beach.

13. Man Goes to Buy Bread, Grabs Woman’s Buns Instead

Authorities are asking for your help identifying the San Carlos man shown in the security footage, grabbing a woman’s buns as she bends over to get bread.

12. Nature Boy Eligio Bishop: Sexiest Cult Leader Alive

Eligio Bishop, might have made a name for himself as a former Model, stripper, and prostitute turned philosopher, but he’s got another title now: “The Sexiest Cult Leader Alive”.

11. Sex, Sadistic Lawyers and Sleeping Next to a Urinal: The Cuba Dave Story

Although we may have poked fun at him in the past, as seen herehere and most recently here, as anyone that has taken the time to actually read a few of our articles will tell you, we love Cuba Dave almost as much as Cuba Dave loves Prostitutes.

This puppy now hangs in the lobby of our corporate headquarters in Leon XIII

Back in May The Costa Rica got a chance to sit down with Cuba Dave and ask him some questions about prison life, prostitutes and his new book, The Persecution of Cuba Dave. Cuba Dave agreed to speak with us under the sole condition that he would not have to wear a shirt. Our reporter reluctantly agreed.

To Be Continued…..

Stay tuned for part 2 of our most read articles of 2018.