Envision this: You arrive to Costa Rica, already smelling bad when you get off the plane. You make your way through to the baggage area to retrieve your “luggage,” which is really just a fancy word for “dirty laundry wrapped in a hammock,” and an old Peruvian handbag full of body paint, patchouli oil, and a big jar of that shit white people smear in their hair to make it look like they have real dreadlocks like black people. Your Uber is waiting outside to take you to Envision Festival.

You have 10,000 followers on Instagram, smell like a turd and are about to Live Stream your arrival for a bunch of other smelly turds to watch (illustrative purposes)

Its already been over six hours since you used Marihuana last, and two days since you’ve have had a bath. You are starting to get anxious because you don’t know how you are going to get your next reefer fix since Cannabis is illegal in Costa Rica and you are way too pretty for jail.

You arrive in Uvita safely but are still without any drugs because you took an Uber instead of a Red Taxi and you are starting to experience flu-like symptoms. It has now been 12 hours since you last used weed. The lady at the Pulperia has no idea where to get any, and she has threatened to call the cops if you don’t leave her alone.

The worm was about to turn

Fortunately for you Envision Festival is about to begin and somebody has to have some drugs there. At least one person has to be selling drugs at this bitch you think to yourself. And of course you are not wrong.

Drug Dealing Duo

Turns out there were two. An American couple, which we will call “idiots” to protect their identity, who were selling the shit right on the beach in a booth where basically anyone could walk up and purchase the powerful narcotic. “Were” being the key word here, since they got busted before you could score any dope.

Image for illustrative purposes

According to the local cajeta dealer that probably called the cops on the American couple, the organizers of the event allowed the judicial authorities to inspect the site and after an effortless search the agents were able to locate several jars of the drug, along with over $8,000 worth of currency.

If convicted the lucky American couple could up living happier than billionaires as Expats in Costa Rica for the next fifteen years in a Tico Style Prison.

Envision Festival takes place near the town of Uvita where more than 8,000 people attended the Costa Rican festival, “to connect with nature.”

Left with no other option you pay fifty bucks for an eighth of caca de mono. Pura Vida.


public service announcement:

According to article 58 of Law No. 8204, anyone attempting to distribute, trade, supply, manufacture, refine, transform, extract, prepare, cultivate, produce, transport, store or sell drugs, illegal substances as defined by the criminal code, or cultivate plants from which such substances or products are obtained could face up to 15 years in prison.

Thus far the Ministry of Health of Costa Rica has yet to approve any Cannabis products for medicinal or commercial purposes.

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